How to Walk in the Rain

A Timely Re-primer

Many people think they know how to walk in the rain. However, after several years in the rain cape business you learn to recognize the poseurs and the wannabes. Sure, it seems so simple. Everyone thinks they can do it. But then when it’s nice and raining they say they don’t want to show you now. Or they dart off, scampering around the puddles like bugs on a hot griddle.

I get it. Everyone’s a little distracted by a global pandemic. There’s lots of news. Socially distanced and looking for love we putter along off-kilter, on-edge, in a rut and up the Amazon without a pin code. Tik Tok. Our brains are slogging overtime.

But I assure you that the traditional practice of walking in the rain has some notable benefits that will help you regain that pop in your personality. What do you have to lose? If we can show you how to be a nice pluviophile, I bet you’ll show someone. It’s an ingenious way to save humanity.

Five Easy Pieces

First, prepare yourself for a nice, ordinary walk. Lift your knees in a vigorous marching-in-place position for a few moments. That sends a signal to everyone that you're ready for business. You’ll need shoes of some sort, underwear, pants and a top. I like to wear a belt.

Second, dress for rain. Consider your surface area, raindrops/cm² and estimated walking velocity. If you don’t have the app for that, just look out the window like some old-fashioned guy. Now put on a rainwear item. If you’re particularly clever you may opt for a well-made rain cape. However, if you’re hoping to swing your arms in a nice walking motion please do not use an umbrella.

Third, step smartly into the rain. Now stop a moment and take a deep breath. Smell that? (No, silly fart jokes are behind me now). Scientific measurements show the air is cleaner and fresher during a rainfall. Look it up in the journal Atmospheric Chemistry and Physics and you’ll find that raindrops attract particles of pollutants like dander, soot, sulfates, and molecular flatuents, probably.

Plus, there’s the sweet petrichor, a scent emitted by soil-dwelling bacteria and oils from plants that wafts upwards. You are walking in rarified air my friend.

Four, wake up. Notice all the people? Nope. Turns out that most everyone runs inside when it rains. Finally, a little peace and quiet for you and your thoughts. Socially-distanced but intimately acquainted with the pluviophile experience. The colors pop, the plants are a verdant green, and neons emit street art through your rain-splattered goggles (optional). Binge this. It features an intriguing new personality.

Five, take a moment to softly caress yourself. You deserve it. The high levels of humidity in the air keep your skin fresh, young and supple. You’ve never felt so good. And as luck would have it, this little expedition softly awakens your adrenals, releasing little bits of sex hormones and stress reducers, I’ll bet.

You're doing it! Now you know what that 70's songster Neil Sedaka meant when he said: "I hear laughter in the rain." It goes way back, "that happy way you feel inside."